War on Christmas

When I was a kid in Japan (the child of a diplomat) the Canadian embassy invited the American kids over for a holiday party. Santa came and it was the first time I’d seen a real Santa up close. His beard looked real. He was in a quality red suit. This was Santa. And Santa was probably Canadian because it’s cold up there so this was real. Santa winked. He ho-ho’d like it was real and I was meeting Santa.

He leaned in close. Then he gave “Meakin” a girl’s present, a cheap and stupid doll. I cried on the little stage in front of everyone and I cried all the way home, vowing to never forgive Santa. I threw the doll onto the Tokyo subway tracks.

So fire truck kid, I see you. That truck was nice, but there you were on Sixth Avenue and it was Christmas Eve and that truck just wasn’t right. Fuck Santa and his bad presents.

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